I’m slowly realizing that as a mom that you can’t do it all. Brian is getting a new desk today in his office at the church. A year ago I would have been up there yesterday helping him move everything out of his office and would have been there at 8:30 this morning when the new desk came in to help him arrange and put everything away. (*** Update: It’s almost 12:30 and the new desks are only halfway in place. Glad I’m at home instead of waiting on them!) And, I probably would have re-painted his office too. Instead, I’m sitting at home praying that Noah will fall back asleep because he has only been asleep for 40 minutes, and that’s not enough sleep for him. I’m not at all bitter or upset about my new “role.” It just takes some getting used to.
My absolute favorite thing to do (aside from being a wife and mom, of course!) is to play the piano for our church services and for choir practice. It is truly my calling and my favorite way to worship. It relaxes me and gives me such a peace…even as I stress about making it through the 14 key changes in a choir anthem. I’m now taking a break from playing. It may just be 2 weeks, or maybe a month, or maybe longer. Who knows. We are trying hard to get Noah on a regular schedule to help him sleep better during the day. His bedtime has always been between 7 and 8. We aren’t finished with choir and praise team/band practice on Wednesday nights until 8:45 or 9…much past the little guy’s bedtime. So, he and I will be staying home on Wednesday nights for the next few weeks to make sure he gets to bed on time. It’s hard because I’ve been playing piano for Brian for choir since we have been married (granted, it’s been only 3 years, but still, it’s been the “norm”).
I also may have to miss some more (I’ve had to leave early or come late most weeks since he was born to get in all of his feedings…) small group Bible study on Sunday mornings to make sure he gets his morning nap in. Ideally, he would do that in the nursery at church, but I’ve learned that with a baby, things don’t always work out the way you have planned! I absolutely love our class and am always so disappointed to have to miss a few minutes, much less a whole class!
I have had to say no to things that I typically would have instantly said yes to. Actually, it may not be such a bad thing. I carefully evaluate and pray about what I can and cannot be involved it. Due to my control-freak nature, it’s hard to come to the realization that others are capable of doing things that I have done in the past, but I’m working on that. I have scaled back all I have been doing and actually seem to have a bit of free time, even if it does have to be carefully planned during nap time! At times I do feel like I’m missing out, but the happiness and health of my sweet boy is definitely more important than the extras. And, what exactly am I missing out on?? I get to spend priceless moments with the most precious little boy in the world! 🙂